RAMBONER

I Have the Most Useless Dreams.

tonight i had a dream where i went to a pool party at the house of a kid at my high school that was somehow also near a beach and another kid from my high school was making fun of me for being ugly, then ciara (who apparently is my friend) told me i shouldn’t wear a bathing suit cause i look too fat in it. then i got my makeup done by someone at smashbox who told me to wear whatever i want cause those guys are assholes. then i grabbed a bottle of cuervo and jason segel showed up and we went to the beach.

…now what the FUCK does that mean.

How to Successfully Get Fucked Up and Stay Fed as a Poor Person

Step 1: sleep for most of the day to avoid the hunger pangs that will ultimately set in as you have had no food. 

Step 2: when you can’t take it anymore, search all of your old coats, backpacks, purses, and jeans for all the loose change you can find. Keep searching until you find $6.75. 

Step 3: go to your local bodega and buy a bag of pita chips and a coors light tallboy. refuse to exhibit shame even though you are purchasing these items of the crackhead elite with only coins.

step 4: crack the coors, as eating before drinking will only give you less of a buzz. take your medication with the coors light on your empty stomach to help achieve a better buzz.

step 5: drink coors light as fast as possible to achieve maximum inebriation off of this modicum of alcohol. then devour chips.

success achieved. 

fact

i had antonio monda as a professor once. he’d sit in the lecture during his screenings. one time he sat next to me while screening “nights of calabria” i was so nervous that i refused to uncross my legs and sat with a dead leg for over 2 hours.

stolen from liz because no one cares and i’m watching mr. popper’s penguins

A. Available: sort of.
B. Birthday: april 5th.
C. Crushing on: billy idol.
D. Drink you last had: water.
E. Easiest person to talk to: kate.
F. Favorite song: right now? sleep tonight by stars.
G. Grossest memory: one time i puked and hershey squirted at the same time when i had food poisoning.
H. Hometown: hockessin, de.
I. In love with: penguins.
J. Jealous of: bears.
K. Killed someone: if i had i’d be on the news for the largest killing spree known to man.
L. Longest friendship: myself.
M. Milkshake flavour: mine (it brings all the boys to the yard)
N. Number of siblings: one.
O. One wish: i didn’t hate everything.
P. Person who you last called: i think my boyfriend. or my dad. i dunno where my phone is.
Q. Question your asked the most: whaaaaaaaaaat?
R. Reason to smile: boners.
S. Song you last sang: sacrifice by elton john.
T. Time you wake up: anywhere between 5am and 5pm. but i just woke up at 1am so who knows.
U. Underwear colour: don’t believe in it.
V. Violent moment: i dunno i gave my best friend a bloody nose but i also punched my sister in the face in london.
W. Worst habit: sucking dick.
X. X-ray you had: when i fractured my wrist. or teeth.
Y. Your last time you cried: last night.
Z. Zodiac sign: aries.